Frustration.

No yoga for me last night, sadly.  I was feeling good in the morning, but my fibro symptoms started flaring up in the early afternoon, and I could barely move by the time I drove home, partially out of just the sheer weight of the fatigue and partially because it felt like my entire body hurt.  I curled up on the sofa for the evening and knew that I wasn’t going to even be able to get to yoga class, let alone actually do yoga.

It’s so frustrating.  When I feel good, I can run a half-marathon.  When I don’t, I can barely motivate from the living room to the kitchen for a glass of water.  And there’s no pattern.  Nothing I can point to and say, “See, that makes your fibro symptoms flare up, so don’t do that.”  It just happens.

I’m not very good at cutting myself any slack either.  I get down on myself for not cooking dinner last night, for not going to yoga, for not walking the dog.  It wears on me.

But I keep on going, doing what I can, eating sensibly even if I can’t get in the exercise I planned to.  I know that I’ll feel better at some point, and be able to resume the usual activities.  I need to give myself permission to do what I can when I can.  That’s the key to living with a chronic illness.  But it’s tough not to be able to do all the things.

I just needed to get this out.  Just have to zombie my way through today and tomorrow, and then a blessed weekend.  Maybe I can get Jetta out for a nice walk around Calhoun this weekend.  Maybe I can convince Sean to go with us.  We’ll see.

About Kellybee

40, living in Minneapolis, working as a financial analyst in state government, trying to live a healthier life, very fortunate.
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One Response to Frustration.

  1. Manda says:

    It is frustrating. I know I don’t have fibro but I have chronic pain, and most times I just have no idea what I’ve done to make my scarred and broken places so angry. Autumn and spring are so hard for me too – seasons of transition and dampness. And, I also am not so great at cutting myself some slack. Sending you hope and recovery my dear! <3

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