No yoga for me last night, sadly. I was feeling good in the morning, but my fibro symptoms started flaring up in the early afternoon, and I could barely move by the time I drove home, partially out of just the sheer weight of the fatigue and partially because it felt like my entire body hurt. I curled up on the sofa for the evening and knew that I wasn’t going to even be able to get to yoga class, let alone actually do yoga.
It’s so frustrating. When I feel good, I can run a half-marathon. When I don’t, I can barely motivate from the living room to the kitchen for a glass of water. And there’s no pattern. Nothing I can point to and say, “See, that makes your fibro symptoms flare up, so don’t do that.” It just happens.
I’m not very good at cutting myself any slack either. I get down on myself for not cooking dinner last night, for not going to yoga, for not walking the dog. It wears on me.
But I keep on going, doing what I can, eating sensibly even if I can’t get in the exercise I planned to. I know that I’ll feel better at some point, and be able to resume the usual activities. I need to give myself permission to do what I can when I can. That’s the key to living with a chronic illness. But it’s tough not to be able to do all the things.
I just needed to get this out. Just have to zombie my way through today and tomorrow, and then a blessed weekend. Maybe I can get Jetta out for a nice walk around Calhoun this weekend. Maybe I can convince Sean to go with us. We’ll see.
It is frustrating. I know I don’t have fibro but I have chronic pain, and most times I just have no idea what I’ve done to make my scarred and broken places so angry. Autumn and spring are so hard for me too – seasons of transition and dampness. And, I also am not so great at cutting myself some slack. Sending you hope and recovery my dear! <3